LIFE COACHING BY DAWN

A "Quick Fix" is NOT the Solution...Individually OR Globally

2011-09-08T09:22:00.001-07:00

Our Government is only exemplifying the same MO that the whole of society is using. For decades now the method of seeking and finding a "quick fix" is what has become the norm, this is why there are so many addictions to as many things as you can think of. The Art of facing the truth of almost anything is a lost one; but it is a necessary one to maintain inner strength and stability. Why are soooo many people fine with seeking outside help for jobs, finances and outward beauty yet soooo unwilling to spend a dime for help in areas that make them a better person to themselves and others? In spite of my disillusionment in mankind right now I continue to help those who have the courage to want the truth in their lives; who want to better themselves internally understanding that inner stability is the key to outer stability and is contagious with other human beings. We have been in a downward spiral for so long now yet it amazes me how most are not only ok with a quick fix but seem blind to the fact that there is another alternative, that being looking at WHAT CAUSED THE PROBLEM to begin with? In my opinion it is this ignorance and unwillingness to look at the obvious that will be our ultimate downfall. We must wake up and be willing to take our blinders off and return to a grass roots attitude of what caused the problems right in front of us that will only get worse if not solved asap! My professional approach for over a decade has been to identify the cause of issues and help others go back and correct them not JUST behavioral modification. Though changing one's behavior is part of the recipe one must identify where they went wrong; where they made a wrong choice, decision or just didn't have the information they can now obtain, or the destructive patterns now in place will continue to wreak havoc causing unnecessary pain and destruction and will ultimately be the way of the world, both individually and globally.

Resolving Sexual Frustration

2011-09-01T11:22:00.000-07:00

I have a female client who doesn't understand why her current male partner, who was practically a sexual predator when single, is suddenly very loving but not very sexually interested anymore.

Our society, as civilized and conventional as we like to profess, does not provide much room for our primitive natures to breathe and respond naturally. We are expected to conform whether our instinctive natures agree or feel in alignment or not. It is therefore enormously challenging when some part of us is more in alignment with that primitive aspect than we can control.

For instance, it is quite natural, physiologically, for a male to have a primitive, sexual hunting type nature; some more stronger than others. Procreation once dictated that strong drive, however we now make conscious choices about such things and deliberately direct our drives where we think they will most benefit our lives. In the romantic arena however, when not in the procreation mindset, our instincts, drives and desires can get mixed up from how they were originally, innately directed.

Although it can "appear" like a manipulative game (for definition purposes, manipulation, when in a negative connotation, means strictly calculated for one side to benefit), it is up to us to recognize and try to understand our primitive instincts when they want to take over and make the effort to compensate for them in the healthiest way possible.

If a male in a relationship suddenly becomes less interested in sex, and it is not a medical problem, then making the effort to revitalize that interest only seems natural. If the female is the one who feels inspired to make this effort then choices must be considered. IF for instance the woman has a desire for the man to be the one to be "in control" (because the female primitive nature has a tendency to often feel the desire to be dominated sexually, with safety and caring) but he currently isn't motivated to be such, then revving up your femininity by dressing and acting the part could and most likely will arouse that natural primitive state in him. For example: (and I am suggesting this only for relatively mature, emotionally healthy couples who understand the concept of deliberately making the attempt at putting the zest back into their sexual relationship), the woman could play the part of the vixen. Play up acting the coquette, teasing, dressing erotically, acting and smelling as seductive as femininely possible, etc.. yet also acting AS IF just out of reach, to stimulate that desire in him to pursue...and to wait until the last minute WHEN he is obviously at his most sexually aroused state then relinquish and let him be the one to pursue and conquer.

To be clear, this IS a game, but one played in a mutually beneficial manner, not the kind of game that is sneered at as if trying to "trap" someone into something else that is ONLY beneficial to one side (again known as the negative side of manipulation).

Once you've completed the physiological dance the "emotional" intimacy has the opportunity of being reignited and connected to the whole. Hopefully, after this accomplishment, the couple will engage in some conscious communication of how to "mutually" keep this dance going. Each couple is different and if unsure how to proceed with something like this to enhance their relationship then perhaps seeking some reading material or outside counsel to succeed at this is advised.

There are probably as many answers to each relationship's needs as there are fish in the sea, so if ideas and/or solutions can not be found on one's own then seeking outside help is most definitely advised.

A healthy, adult romantic relationship can only benefit by the sexual aspect being just as healthy. It's all part of enjoying one another!

AREAS for Thought ~ Gratitude, Depression, Hope, Self Care Vs Self Indulgence

2011-06-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Fellow Souls,

Well here it is another day in our peaceful San Luis Obispo (SLO).
Since Oprah doesn't live here, I wonder how she came to call our town "the happiest place to live!" I don't know about the happiest but of all the places I have lived, growing up all over LA, High School in San Diego, different parts of the east coast and mid-west for a very short period (way too cold brrrr), San Luis Obispo is the most peaceful and pleasant. What I love the most is, and that is for the most part, people still treat you like a person, instead of a number or as a robot that is just there to serve their organization in some way. There are so many non-profits in our area; so many who volunteer to help where help is needed; and I have even seen our utility companies be enormously helpful and compassionate to so many who live here while this economy is putting the squeeze on families. I know you don't see that in big cities. I happen to have witnessed how companies in bigger cities could care less if your water or power is to be shut off if you can't pay your bill when due. Here in SLO our utility companies push time out to help, some don't even charge a late fee, others try to waive them whenever possible and all that I've seen work out a payment plan to help spread things out. During this chaotic time of financial flux or deprivation this is a critical kindness.

I hope just that information inspires you to demonstrate the same whenever and wherever possible. NOW is the time to HELP each other anywhere possible. Believe me, many have it worse than you might suspect. I think this time of stress and fear is a wonderful test and challenge of our true human nature. Please do your best to show the world, wherever you live, that we still are in touch with that genuine, caring nature; and although the big things are important..do remember that in our daily lives..the little things matter greatly.
Another area to remember to focus on is "gratitude!" The energy we put out in the world when we feel grateful is life altering. We all have a great deal of stress going on in our lives, and I know how easy it is to get sidetracked into everything but gratitude..and I have to work at this myself all the time..but do make the effort daily to consciously be thankful for all you do have, including any and all loved ones in your life. You would not believe how many do NOT have loved ones in their lives AND still have all the same stressors we all have...that makes it that much harder. When we don't have caring people in our smaller circles it is so easy to isolate; and that isolation only serves to make people wither away faster..and the longer that goes on the harder it is to break the pattern. If you know anyone like that I hope you hear this and do whatever possible to be a friend to them. Just getting them out for a walk, a cup of coffee or a visit to a park does wonders!

This crisis time in our economy has put many into a state of fear and depression. Depression can be dangerous! Depression can contain so much despair..and despair is synonymous with hopelessness. Do you know what it feels like to feel "hopeless?" If so then you understand, if not then be grateful for never having to drop to such a low. To not have hope is to feel a part within us stop breathing..and if it does not get air for an extended period of time it can die, or feel like death, either way it is dangerous to the heart and soul of a person. I have felt this personally at times in my own life and I would not wish this on another for anything. I have been fortunate to have others in my life who care enough to recognize this and not only extend love but practical help as well when it felt impossible to do myself. Everyone needs a helping hand at one time or another; and if you are like me, where it can feel hard to ask and sometimes even receive help, don't feel like you are alone in that—but also don't let that STOP you from pushing through it to take that hand, and/or help, to get you back on your own two feet if needed. Even after all I have been through..it still amazes me..but between the issues we develop during childhood and the sometimes false bravado we develop as adults just asking and receiving help can feel like a monumental embarrassment, and that is more than a shame, it is tragic—so PLEASE don't let it control what you need in allowing others to help in whatever way is needed!

One more thing for today, I'd like to just put out a reminder in these times of confusion— SELF INDULGENCE and SELF CARE are NOT the same thing!

Self Care is what helps your life, psyche and daily life now and after, whereas Self Indulgence is immediate gratification, that sometimes adds more stress and confusion to an already existing situation. Just as an example: when stressed it is common to reach out to say..comfort food..like a piece of chocolate cake. Now that may feel immediately gratifying but after that immediate gratification it could also make you feel worse if it adds to a feeling of overweight issues, or if sugar causes you physical symptoms like a headache or sugar crash after whereas if you reach for something else that is comforting like a call to a friend just to hear a familiar voice, or a walk in the sunshine OR if you really feel like you can't avoid that sweet tooth, be conscious about it and have a "smaller"piece so you feel like you had some control over your decision. That "out of control" feeling makes us feel worse about ourselves. Just a thought!
Here's to having a wonderful, safe, loving day!!
Dawn

Economy Crash ~ Support, Humility & Communication

2011-06-10T12:36:00.000-07:00

Hello Fellow Souls,

There are so many of us out here who feel lost and alone and powerless. What are we supposed to do with all that?

I know since the economy crashed my world has done much of the same. If there was ever a time for survival skills I would say now is that time. I listen to all that is said by many; many with different views, some from fear, some from facts, some from view-points that seem right on. One view is that we are in for a severe all encompassing crash very soon..that being the entire economy. What will we do when our plastic money is no longer any good? Have you thought about that? How will we buy food? What will we use for electricity if we can not pay our bill? How will we cook if no power or gas? What WILL be accepted as currency if that happens? Gold only? How do we transfer gold into currency to buy the daily essentials? This is NOT to instill fear, it is to make awareness a top priority and start acting on some of the necessary changes needed NOW. This is not to make everyone go out and buy up all they can to hoard for what could come, but I also believe it wise to slowly start buying a few things here and there that could be put aside for tighter circumstances; water for instance, dry goods, candles, matches, batteries. Stop and think for a moment if the power went out..what practical things would you need? We are so dependent on our microwaves some really have to shift their mind-set to think of what else to do..but now is the time to think about that while we are not in a panic. The worse thing we can do is act out of panic of what could be but common sense and practical actions would be greatly beneficial.

Many of us have done very creative things to maintain a normal lifestyle; rent rooms out of our homes to supplement rent or mortgage payments, look more seriously at all the ads and cut coupons whenever possible, cut back on luxuries. Those are all very practical and wise actions but how much more could we be doing? And how do we still have compassion and hope to help those who have even less than we do? We look at the homeless now with different eyes fearing how many more of us could end up like that?

I have been very fortunate in having such helpful friends and loved ones who have contributed to my survival efforts. My years of employment skills don't put food on the table if not utilized. There have been some dark days in spite of that but I'm still here trying to stay focused and in my heart. I fear greatly if we do not make the extreme effort to stay connected to our hearts we will all lose in the end. We as humans can not help ourselves or each other when fear controls us, emotionally and mentally. I implore you to try to remember that and keep your conscious awareness vigilant.

I know for myself, volunteering to help others can fill a huge void when powerlessness wants to throw me into fear. When circumstances don't permit me to change something, I feel desperately needs changing quickly for practical reasons, fear is the first thing that grabs us where it counts the most, in our minds and hearts, but we must do whatever we can to ground ourselves and not let that happen. I know writing is a great outlet for me. I've written some very dark pieces during the last few years of unpredictable circumstances, but I've also written some very great pieces about how much love I have felt from those who have touched my life during this time. I think the only way we are going to get through this intact is by staying connected; not allowing fear, and those who make every effort to instill that in us, get away with it. I've included some of the writing I'm referring to on this blog as other posts (you can view ALL of them at: http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Dawn_Tomastik ..a few being "Fulfilling The Love of a Lifetime" and "Darkness Conquering Love's Light,") ...I know that I am not the only person to feel these things, so I wish to share them with the hope that perhaps they will reach others at a moment they need it.

I encourage everyone to talk to each other. Reach out when things get scary and don't let embarrassment deter you. I have humbled myself tremendously over the last few years, and being a very proud person it has been a challenge; but there are great lessons in humility and though they can be hard at first I think challenging ourselves to look at what we're really afraid of when stepping beyond our pride is of great value, to ourselves and everyone around us. I know I have been amazed at what I have found on the other side of pride; I have found many who care beyond what I ever imagined...and you may too. If you have no one else to reach out to PLEASE feel free to reach out to me, either on facebook or at www.lifecoachingbydawn.com

I wish you all well, with peace and tremendous courage to speak from your heart!

Dawn

FULFILLING THE LOVE OF A LIFETIME

2011-06-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

You give me what I have been missing
in my heart and my soul and my being,
You give me the life I have longed for
that my mind and my heart have been seeing;

You give me the hope that is needed
to live out the rest of my days,
You give me the love that I'm starved for
in a million and one different ways;

You give me the life I was meant for
in dreams and the thoughts in my mind,
You fill in the gaps that were empty
that were long ago left far behind;

You give me "belonging"..I've ached for
in the ways that our hearts are entwined,
In my dreams I have been with you always
and the babies we made are divine;

You give me the joy of a family
that fills every void I've endured,
all the hustle and bustle of many
and the blessings that feel so assured;

You give me the home that I've needed
that makes my heart feel so complete,
You give me your warmth every evening
and each morning it's your eyes I meet;

You give me the laughter I treasure
with your humor and fabulous wit,
you give me your beautiful body
that with mine is too perfect a fit;

You give me your voice that enchants me,
I could sit and just listen for hours,
every part of you wakes something in me
as it feeds me with life that empowers;

You give me your scent..so hypnotic
that intoxicates my very soul,
it's a spell that just can not be broken
it's a spell that just makes me feel whole;

You give me so much..you don't realize
but I do.. and I value each gift
every moment, each look, kiss or touching
causes something in my life to lift.

You give me such great understanding
It matters not if you can't see,
for I do and it fills every fiber
and what counts..is it's worth it to me;

You give me the air to breathe life in
and you've made life worth living again,
you give more in our sweet limitations
than most get with their mates or their friends;

You give me exactly what I need
and that is what matters in this,
When you give me that look that is soulful
I feel like my soul has been kissed.

You give me a lot so don't worry
about things that you think you don't give,
and just trust that this love is worth living
and I promise you...I can then live.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5994513

DARKNESS CONQUERING LOVE'S LIGHT

2011-06-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

Never is..Never was...and Never will be..
all the love we once knew that came easily,
in a world of the heart less
their eyes can not see
that the true value lies when we give lovingly;

Never can...Never could...and Never will know..
what they miss in another when they let feelings show,
all alone they diminish
the dream that once flowed
thus now watching it die, instead of watching it grow;

Never fly...Never flew...and will Never know flight..
they carelessly darkened the world's brilliant light,
they sit in their caves
thinking they're always right
never knowing or caring with their limited sight;

Never will...Never won't...Never can anymore..
see the love once intended for our inner core,
they live in the mind
like a closed outer door
and demolish all hope that we once had before;

Never see..Never saw..and Never have sight...
of how much destruction they cause in the night,
oh so blinded by greed
and a perilous fight
it is grief and great loss that now becomes our new plight;

Never think...Never thought...and Never to be...
what a waste of good hearts that could've been free,
they now make a prison
of souls thoughtlessly
with no comprehension of their own cruelty;

Never on...Never off...and Never seeing the light..
they spread like a cancer too strong now to fight,
instilling great fear
as if with delight
they're killing off good with all of their might;

Never hear...Never heard...and Never want to
the heartless with power don't care what they do,
they steal and they lie
and they push their way through
and they trample the hearts that still fight to be true;

Never feel...Never felt...and now Never can..
the now blackened hearts that once had a chance,
they choose to be cold
in their feelingless trance
and prove it by keeping their cold-hearted stance;

Never have...Never had...and will Never possess..
what love had intended for our happiness,
the darkness has won
and now we regress
to hearts made of stone that have failed every test;

Never taste...Never touch...and Never will know
are those selfish who focus on their wicked flow,
they're deaf to the hearts
that profess love in tow
and prefer to control those they force to follow;

Never now...Never then...and Never again
will this world know the innocence we used to defend,
they've poisoned the sweetness
of those who have been
the heart..and the soul...of this world now stolen.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6326380

LOVING YOURSELF ISN'T AS EASY AS IT SEEMS...

2009-11-13T07:49:00.000-08:00

Loving oneself isn't as easy or as automatic as it may sound and there are many different ways of succeeding at doing so. There are fundamental aspects of loving oneself that can enrich our lives, but even more in the details that bring us love, joy and peace. Most people consider providing the basic things in life such as a job, home, food, clothing, etc. as self love, and to some degree it is because it is self care, but there are other equally (if not more) important areas that make us feel loved and valued. The areas I am talking about include the more specific things and ways we take care of our bodies, minds, hearts and souls that fill us with a sense of self love. Providing what we need in these areas gives us a feeling of truly being valued and cared for, especially on a day to day basis where we are acting on the details that define what is special to our individual needs.

A common misconception is when people tend to confuse self care with self indulgence. Often we act compulsively out of fear or the unknown, this is the time to stop and think. It does take practice and deliberate action but ANYONE can do it. Granted it helps tremendously if you can reach out and ask for help but many people fear doing even that. The key is to find what works for you and act on it. Breaking bad habits and patterns can be tricky but it can be done; and the rewards of a less stressful and more controlled life are worth it. What may appear as small choices are in actuality huge! At any time on any day we can stop and ask ourselves what choices can we make that will make our lives better? It's actually an amazing power we have, and can control in a positive manner if we try to learn and understand it and utilize it appropriately.

Another important area that gets taken for granted is boundaries. More people than we'd care to believe don't even know what they are; and others either do not have them or do not know how to use them correctly. Boundaries give us a sense of control over our own bodies and lives, a sense of self respect and self protection. Without these we feel more controlled by the circumstances and people outside ourselves. Without personal boundaries we can be easily manipulated, overpowered and undervalued. Setting boundaries for ourselves gives us a sense of autonomy, confidence and self-worth. I see boundaries incredibly under valued in our society, except for the personal growth crowd. Boundaries give us the psychological awareness that we are uniquely separate from the world and others, which is healthy and necessary. Those who are not taught or allowed to use boundaries growing up feeling enmeshed with all outside sources. They have no real sense of autonomy, individuality. They have never had the opportunity to know how to be self contained as the individual they are or know how to protect themselves even in the smallest ways. This lack of education in such a crucial area can actually be potentially dangerous. When they come across situations that require them to protect themselves physically, emotionally or psychologically, often even spiritually, they are at a loss. This unfortunately leads to unhealthy relationships in many areas, including and especially with themselves.

This brings me to the understanding of the fundamental concept that you can't have a healthy relationship with someone else UNTIL you have a healthy one with yourself. I think if more people really understood this perhaps they would stop trying to find that fulfillment outside themselves that is meant to be found inside. I have found that this concept is difficult for many to understand but to put it simply, a healthy relationship with oneself is treating yourself with care, sensitivity, respect and generosity, and self care is not synonymous with self indulgence. Self care is making sure that you make healthy choices for your mind, body, heart and soul, whereas self indulgence can be giving in to desire even if it is unhealthy. Self care is taking the time out to consider what you want, need or feel. It's making sure that you use the necessary boundaries to make yourself feel safe and respected. It's eating the right food, getting the right amount of rest and exercise and bringing people into your personal and professional world whenever possible that enhance your life not hinder it. It's utilizing as much conscious choice as humanly and practically possible.

We all need help in life, and loving yourself would be recognizing that and asking for help as needed from trusted people. We enjoy a feeling of self love and self respect when we stand up for our rights and opinions, as well as when we are honest with ourselves and others. There is nothing like a satisfied conscience and living in truth to make us feel at peace. Trusting oneself is an important aspect to self love as well, and if you realize you don't know how to do that then seeking the help necessary to learn it would be equal to self love. These of course are merely guidelines, the details vary per individual; but the important fact is to work with what you have and make it as positive and productive as humanly possible; and whatever you don't know make the effort to learn. If there is one thing our society has made readily available, it's information, more now than ever with access to the internet; and if you are one of those people who would rather learn it from another person, ask someone you trust or seek an outside source of help.

At this point in time we can't exactly say that self love is always easy, especially with so much going on to keep our lives intact, but it is always worth the effort, for it will give you something you can't get from anyone else-an inward sense of stability and peace. As humans we will always have weaknesses but acknowledging them and trying to improve them is an enormous act of self love.

EMOTIONAL INCOMPETENCE is Permeating Our Culture

2009-11-08T18:38:00.000-08:00

As astounding as it is to say, people just don’t know how to express what they feel anymore. I am both amazed and disheartened by the incessant emotional incompetence I see everywhere I look; and though I observe this in my personal life, as a professional in the area of human development I see it even more; people demonstrating through daily encounters the inability to effectively communicate what they think and feel, thus eliminating the possibility to connect with others, especially emotionally. I hear communication void of nearly everything but intellectual exchanges, which without emotion tends to have a shallow ring to it. I can’t help but wonder, “Where has everyone’s heart gone?”

This question is very important to me. I have been watching the decline of emotional connection for years, ever since my own heart came out of hiding. The nineties were booming with a new awareness from books like “The Celestine Prophecy” and “Conversations with God” as well as others and they caused quite a buzz of awakening but as the new consciousness continued it became clearer that although it did increase the intellectual chatter it did not facilitate the opening of hearts as expected. I valued the nineties tremendously because they contributed greatly to the opening of my heart but as I tried to share that new phenomenon I was greeted with intellectual commentary and a lack of reciprocation. I was confused. Here I was finally courageous enough to confront the fear that had been keeping my own heart shut down and had the long awaited ability to connect with other’s hearts, and thinking, “what a wonderful thing and wouldn’t others be happy to see it,” but was shocked to find not only a lack of reciprocation but visible invalidation. Needless to say I was confused. My confusion stemmed first from thinking, “isn’t this what everyone has been writing and preaching about for the last ten years?; and second, “why are people withdrawing from me for demonstrating the very thing that was publicized in self-help books, talked about incessantly and encouraged to learn how to do?”

When I questioned a few that I knew were actualizing this consciousness, the way I was beginning to, they brought a new phrase into my awareness called “walking the talk,” which meant just that “actualizing” (living) the wisdom of the knowledge. They explained that although the knowledge being gained was invaluable many people did not know how or weren’t ready to integrate it into their actual lives. I questioned further why they thought some of us were able to do so and they continued with, “it takes courage and conviction, and becoming truly conscious separates you from all those who are not, who do not yet have the willingness or ability to see truth, and they will unconsciously feel threatened by those who challenge their ongoing denial.” I was stunned.

I had to sit with that for a time. I began contemplating and watching what I was doing that was so different from others? I found the answer in, “I want it with all my heart,” and I had a “whatever it takes” attitude in finding the conscious way of doing things, which meant challenging and stepping out of my comfort zone constantly. Over the years many joined the actualization group, but at the close of the nineties many found themselves merely more intellectually aware, others benefited greatly with being more emotionally and spiritually connected, and the rest—not much changed.

It doesn’t take a genius, while observing others closely, to see how terrified many are of their emotions; others just don’t seem to know how to be vulnerable. People are frequently too scared to reveal that part of themselves that can bring about sarcasm, disapproval, embarrassment, anger, rejection, humiliation, etc. but all of those have one thing in common—emotional pain. Far too many people do not know how to deal with emotional pain, so they just avoid it; but this avoidance has gone on for so long that it has now become an inability—incompetence; and the longer this goes unchecked, the worse things get.

We need our “hearts” in our human interactions. Look at what is happening all over the world, starting with the violent actions of the “DEsensitized;” people who can walk right into a room and start shooting at random, not having the slightest concern for all the lives they are destroying or ending; people who are filling their own pockets at the expense of others losing everything yet don’t seem to give it a second thought, IF a first one; companies that don’t care about the customer anymore, just the quantity and profit; and relationships that are suffering everywhere because of keeping their guard up and emotional intimacy OUT.

I understand the fear and challenge of opening one’s heart only too well. I had a lot to heal in mine before I gained control of that guardedness and I have to admit it took longer than I thought it would, but I had a great deal of suppressed emotion and since that time would have passed anyway, by using it wisely I REgained myself during it. I understand being fearful of the pain that can come with opening one’s heart, but still we must work harder at learning the HOW, because not doing so leaves us fragmented and incomplete. Fear is endlessly at the root of all this but when we feel connected fear dissolves and loses the power it once had over us. Faith is one huge remedy; surrendering to something greater than yourself. The fear of not getting our needs met is a huge issue wherever you look; when needs are not being met, the way anticipated or desired, fear can turn to panic, and panic, as we have seen too often of late, can turn into danger.

Walking through life, fearful of being yourself or not being able to admit “when you don’t know something” for fear of others judgment, disapproval or rejection is a prison. Feeling overwhelmed all the time by the life sucking suppressed, painful emotions that you don’t know how to handle or process, and, which make you feel that the only way to keep breathing is to shut down all emotion—is heartbreaking. I know it can takes some horrible, and more deeply painful, experiences (the proverbial hitting bottom) for some people to make the effort to look at the wounds that keeps their heart immobilized; but why should we let that be the way when we don’t have to? We can fight for our heart. Personally knowing that fight, I understand how hard a fight it can be for our heart to be recognized and valued and can feel so exhausted from trying and failing that it gets DISheartened and gives up, thus evolving into despair or DEsensitization; which is why we must help each other. We all benefit or we all suffer.

I know that the stress we’re all permeated with trying to survive these days can make being in one’s emotions exhausting and overwhelming, but the fact remains that in order to stop the dangerous acts of the DEsensitized there is no other alternative except to learn how to create the safety to open our hearts and connect, or there will be more and more shootings and devastation in lives caused by those who live in emotionally desensitized bodies—who just don’t know how to care anymore. I refuse to accept the status quo of the emotionally disconnected. My heart had been fighting for its rightful place for 33 years until I took the courageous step to confront fear and take back control of my vulnerability, which I continually find to be a strength not a weakness, as viewed by most; and I feel compelled to fight for the hearts of other’s until I convince them to fight for their own. I can not and will not stand by and do nothing while others are being murdered by those who have disconnected from their hearts; and it’s time for others to take this viewpoint and action as well.

We can not deny the fact that technology has played a huge part in this, intentionally or not. It has taken the place of many of the things our hearts used to do. We used to communicate with our whole person; mind, emotion and spirit. We used to write handwritten letters and cards that held a dear and immeasurable touch, both emotionally and energetically, but technology has us now communicating with words on a mechanical screen or through some other tool, whether cell phone, i-pod, fax, etc. What else could happen to a strong muscle like the heart that does not get used? It weakens, deteriorates, and doesn’t know what to do or how to do what is needed anymore. If we choose to continue to ignore our hearts then the number one cause of death in our country, heart attacks, will increase exponentially. Think about that term, “heart attack;” what is attacking the heart? What is causing such pressure to a heart that it can not continue to function? The most obvious of course is not using it or using it incorrectly. The second, abusing our bodies with other factors that are too much for it to process; fatty and sweetened foods, alcohol and tobacco, a lack of decompressing after a stressful day, week, year or—LIFE! The heart like everything else requires balance. The “word” balance is noted regularly but not integrated much. Granted it’s tricky to balance our individuality, family, work, spirituality and whatever’s left, but it’s still what we must try to do to survive intact or the scales tipped to any one side will make everything topple over.

Many justify their hour or two on a Sunday, to touch base with God/Spirit, as their heart quota and think that brief time will balance out the other 166 hours in the rest of their week, which is ludicrous; or speak ten emotional words to their loved ones and expect them to “feel” loved. How can we really believe that we or our loved ones can feel any difference from that? Where is love in all this? How do we convey love these days, through words, a look or touch? It doesn’t seem much time is given for love other than those few words or the physical act of sex to connect, which could explain the constant break-ups and divorce. Many feel those brief acts are all they can muster but that’s the catch 22; if they weren’t suppressing so much old emotion they would have more energy available for the present. Suppressed emotion is a huge energy blocker; in other words, we don’t have our natural energy readily available due to the intense energy it takes to keep buried emotions buried. The emotion required to connect with others can be briefly draining in its own right, but if it’s in the present it runs a natural course to completion which is followed by regaining our strength and continuing on—whole. It’s the “old” emotion that we’re afraid to let up. We’ve allowed it to accumulate for so long that we’re scared to take the lid off for fear of its volcanic eruption; but there are methods and tools to take control of how it is released. I’m living proof of that. I suppressed a great deal of rage before I felt compelled to courageously take the lid off, and though it was necessary to learn some very important facts prior to doing so, it most definitely can be done. Much like when an addict goes to a rehabilitation clinic where they have a specific and safe process to undo the damage. Personal fear is not the only issue these days however, people are also very frightened by all that is going on globally; but that is just one more reason to connect our hearts; to care and strengthen our efforts as a united front, more now than ever since we have seen what the DEsensitized can and will do; think what the alternative will be if we don’t.

SHOOTING AT FORT HOOD, TEXAS

2009-11-06T05:23:00.000-08:00

On November 5, 2009 devastation struck again. How can this be happening... again?? How horrible and shocking that once more we are being forced to face a human being who has snapped and taken many lives with him. Events like this make it easier to see how fear and stress can take control and bring one human to such a dangerous edge; but I have to pose the question again, "What are we going to do about it?"

There were signs that this man was not right, but they were ignored. Why didn't those who observed these warnings say something to someone? People! DON'T ignore what you see, feel or sense is true! You could be the next person to save innocent lives by doing so. Go to anyone who will listen and report what you observe. Don't worry about how you will "look." Don't worry about IF you're right or wrong in your assessment or observation. Isn't looking or feeling slightly awkward worth potentially saving lives? Trust your instincts. As a person in Human Development, I watch people ignore their instincts every day and I continually encourage them to pay attention and trust them. THAT is what they're there for.

Our nation is once again struck by terror, and we’re not only shaking our heads in disbelief we're finding ourselves shaken to the core. This of course is more concentrated in Texas but nonetheless it affects everyone's sense of safety and security. We must remember that all our lives are connected and can be affected at the drop of a hat. When we have tragedies that affect our entire nation something unusual yet miraculous happens, in the midst of the horror and chaos hearts that have been closed or dormant suddenly and cathartically open. It’s a shame that it takes such a jolt to bring us back to an emotional place of significance from the often desensitized place we live under stress and overwhelm, but the fact remains that when it does we are given yet another opportunity to realize it and work harder to keep our hearts open. If you stop and take notice of all the tragic events and deaths that occur (some listed below) you can see and feel the emotional and energetic shift that takes place in our lives nationally. As bittersweet as it is, it's hard not to notice how tragedies bring us closer together, even though I fervently wish that was not the case. The saddest part is when the event slowly fades into a memory and the stress and focus of full lives takes over, and our hearts return to that desensitized spell.

Why aren't we learning from these? Why aren't we choosing to remember these wake up calls after the initial shock and devastation passes, and not wait for the next one to recreate the connection that these sad events facilitate? Some do, like the people at Virginia Tech. They haven't forgotten. They are choosing to remember yet not allow their tragedy to continue to control their lives; instead they are using what they learned and shared to strengthen their courage and camaraderie. We should follow that example and make sure we remember all that has happened in this recent tragedy and learn what to do differently. Stay connected; Keep our hearts open; Make safety a priority; Don't ignore suspicious signs and learn the difference between being fearful and being cautious. If every single person did their part the nation would come back to being, and feeling, whole.

OTHER EVENTS THAT WOKE US UP, TOUCHED OUR HEARTS AND RECONNECTED OUR NATION:

Blacksburg, Virginia Tech Shooting – 4/16/2007 33 killed
911 Twin Towers Tragedy - 9/11/2001 2,752 killed
John Kennedy, Jr’s Death - 7/16/1999
Columbine Shooting - 4/20/1999 – 13 killed, 23 wounded
Princess Diana's Death- 8/31/1997
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis’ Death - 5/20/1994

TIP OF THE DAY November 5 2009

2009-11-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

It takes years to build up trust,
and it only takes suspicion,
not proof, to destroy it.

THOUGHTS TO LAUGH AND CRY BY

2009-11-05T12:17:00.000-08:00

EVER WONDER....

~Why they call the airport the terminal..if flying is so safe?
~Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
~Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

~Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

~If con is the opposite of pro, does that mean that Congress is the opposite of progress?

~Why apartments are called that , when they are all stuck together?~You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS UPON US

2009-11-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

Well the holiday season is upon us; and with Thanksgiving in the month of November we are reminded to be thankful for our blessings. Granted there is much stress and loss in the world right now and it seems to have created a sad and dismal energy, but as hard as it can feel sometimes it’s all the more important to remember that we are just being challenged to rise above the monetary focus and remember what really matters—Love—Family—Friends—Health—Spiritual connection—Being alive!

I know how hard even focusing on those can be when feeling overwhelmed and scared of all the unknown but I encourage you to remember to look to one another and not isolate; that "feeling as if you’re all alone in the world" can be a scary and dangerous place to be. I know that it can feel that way far too often but make the effort to reach out to whomever you can. The holiday season tends to emphasize this. Imagine how isolated those on the street feel; so the next time you cross paths with a person on the street asking for money, give them a dollar (or more if possible), and if you find yourself questioning what that person on the street will do with your dollar, DON’T….give it with the knowledge that they will do with it what THEY need to, and the act of giving is all that matters.

Prayer is so appreciated but practical assistance is needed more now than ever. If you’d rather give food than money, do so; lots of restaurants have inexpensive gift certificates; buy a few and keep them with you. Time and so little money can be make such a tremendous difference to someone’s life. Go to a thrift store and buy a blanket or coat; gather up socks, sweaters, gloves and any other items that will lend warmth and drop them off at The Prado Day Center. The weather is getting colder now and so are those without shelter. These small gifts can mean the world to the cold and homeless. The Center’s address is: The Prado Day Center, 43 Prado Road, SLO, CA 93401 or call to see whatever you can do (805) 786-0617.

The simplest things can mean so much. Look people in the eye when passing on the street and smile with acknowledgement for just “being;” look up at the sky occassionally and extend gratitude for what you do have and remember all those who have even less than you. Like everyone else, I’ve had my own hard knocks this year but I choose to believe we’re being reminded to look to one another for help, acknowledment, encouragment and support. Our systems are no longer able to help the way they were meant to so it’s up to us, the individuals who make up the collective; do your part. Step out of your comfort zone whenever possible to do random acts of kindness; offer assistance when needed; double check your impatience, anger, frustration and imparting words. The smallest changes can make the greatest difference. I know it’s challenging when all we can see and feel is pressure but do try—you’ll feel better and everyone you touch with that grateful energy will benefit as well!

Have a Wonderful Holiday Season!

WHEN LOVE IS IN CONTROL...

2009-11-04T20:31:00.000-08:00

Should one ignore a passing glance,

a phrase that's meant to be;

a thought that thrives on the unexplained,

or a positive energy?

Does Fate take us by the hand,

and lead us without consent?

Do we ever really have control

of things we feel were meant?

Are treasured moments so obscure

that we become so blind;

and truly feel that we're to blame

when we leave them all behind?

                        Though guarded we do try to be,
                        the heart remains so tender;
                        and to this special entity
                        we can do nothing but surrender.

A REASON, A SEASON or A LIFETIME

2009-11-03T20:19:00.000-08:00

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime; When you figure out which it is, don't resist its course, embrace it.

When someone is in your life for a REASON they have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem heaven sent, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But...only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

TIP OF THE DAY ~ November 3rd 2009

2009-11-03T12:12:00.000-08:00

Should you have a bad day at work;
Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

THOUGHTS TO LAUGH AND CRY BY...

2009-11-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

Ever Wonder...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin..
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed..
Why we never see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"..
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word..
Why it is that doctors call what they do "practice"..

Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food..
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who is tasting it?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker..
Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour..
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, yet dish washing liquid is made with real lemons...?

TIP OF THE DAY ~ November 2nd 2009

2009-11-02T05:56:00.000-08:00

ALL THAT IS NEEDED FOR THE FORCES OF EVIL TO TRIUMPH...
IS FOR GOOD MEN TO DO NOTHING...

THOUGHTS TO LAUGH AND CRY BY...

2009-11-02T05:45:00.000-08:00

I've learned....
That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned....
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned.... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will always take the ones you Miss

THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS UPON US

2009-11-01T09:47:00.000-08:00

I know how hard even focusing on those can be when feeling overwhelmed and scared of all the unknown but I encourage you to remember to look to one another and not isolate; that "feeling as if you’re all alone in the world" can be a scary and dangerous place to be. I know that it can feel that way far too often but make the effort to reach out to whomever you can. The holiday season tends to emphasize this. Imagine how isolated those on the street feel; so the next time you cross paths with a person on the street asking for money, give them a dollar (or more if possible), and if you find yourself questioning what that person on the street will do with your dollar, DON’T….give it with the knowledge that they will do with it what THEY need to, and the act of giving is all that matters.
Prayer is so appreciated but practical assistance is needed more now than ever. If you’d rather give food than money, do so; lots of restaurants have inexpensive gift certificates; buy a few and keep them with you. Time and so little money can be make such a tremendous difference to someone’s life. Go to a thrift store and buy a blanket or coat; gather up socks, sweaters, gloves and any other items that will lend warmth and drop them off at The Prado Day Center. The weather is getting colder now and so are those without shelter. These small gifts can mean the world to the cold and homeless. The Center’s address is: The Prado Day Center, 43 Prado Road, SLO, CA 93401 or call to see whatever you can do (805) 786-0617.

The simplest things can mean so much. Look people in the eye when passing on the street and smile with acknowledgement for just “being;” look up at the sky occassionally and extend gratitude for what you do have and remember all those who have even less than you. Like everyone else, I’ve had my own hard knocks this year but I choose to believe we’re being reminded to look to one another for help, acknowledment, encouragment and support. Our systems are no longer able to help the way they were meant to so it’s up to us, the individuals who make up the collective; do your part. Step out of your comfort zone whenever possible to do random acts of kindness; offer assistance when needed; double check your impatience, anger, frustration and imparting words. The smallest changes can make the greatest difference. I know it’s challenging when all we can see and feel is pressure but do try—you’ll feel better and everyone you touch with that grateful energy will benefit as well!

Have a Wonderful Holiday Season!

TIP OF THE DAY ~ November 1st 2009

2009-11-01T07:19:00.000-08:00

LOVE doesn't hurt...
WITHHOLDING Love does!

THOUGHTS TO LAUGH AND CRY BY...

2009-10-31T11:56:00.000-07:00

Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

TIP OF THE DAY ~ October 31st 2009

2009-10-31T09:52:00.000-07:00

Look people in the eye....it makes them SEE you care, and extends respect they may have never known...

TECHNOLOGY vs THE HEART

2009-10-30T17:30:00.000-07:00

Technology keeps speeding up but our hearts keep beating at the same pace, so of course our hearts have a hard time keeping up.

The key is AWARENESS and BALANCE!

When you start feeling stressed and overwhelmed...

STOP...THINK...BREATHE...and CHOOSE... CONSCIOUSLY!

Don't allow others to manipulate, coerce, pressure or cajole you to do ANYTHING that goes against what you know you want and should be doing.

REACH OUT whenever needed. If you can't think of anyone, there is always the HOTLINE!

2009-10-30T13:09:00.000-07:00

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY ~
The Most Misunderstood Element in Our Relationships

People hear the word "intimacy" and naturally assume it means "physical" intimacy, but the more important element of that word is the deep connection we receive from our emotional connection to others.
Emotional Intimacy is achieved through honest communication; the willingness to reveal oneself authentically, even though it can frighten us to feel so vulnerable. Vulnerability, however, is where our true strength lies, IF we have the courage to allow ourselves to be open and exposed emotionally. The reward, the depth of human connection, is invaluable if you take the courageous risk. If you've ever been in love or know what it is like to love a person more than yourself than you know the joys of the emotional intimacy I'm referring to.
It’s worth the struggle to get there, the often temporary pain to continue trying and most especially, whatever the effort to hold onto it as long as humanly possible.

GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF EMOTIONAL INTIMACY...TODAY!

2009-10-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

COMMUNICATION ~
HOW WE INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER EVERY DAY ~

Communication is ESSENTIAL in ALL human interaction. Ineffective or incorrect communication can lead to all kinds of problems in personal, business and casual relationships. Sarcasm, passive aggressive behavior, abusive and even disapproving and judging communication is destructive to the mind, heart and soul.

CARE ENOUGH about yourself and others to learn how to communicate your genuine thoughts and feelings without fear. Read a book, ask a professional or seek another reliable source but don't go one more day hurting yourself and others with destructive communication!

20 Most Common Ways to Self Sabotage

2009-10-29T19:45:00.000-07:00

1. Make a list of so many things to do that you wind up feeling overwhelmed and accomplish nothing
2. Look for approval from sources that do not have your best interests at heart.
3. Start each day with yesterdays list feeling bad instead of creating a shorter, more realistic, achievable list.
4. Criticize others to make you look and feel better about yourself.
5. Dont give yourself credit for things well done only criticism for things not done well.
6. Seek out people who are weaker or less accomplished than yourself so you can feel good about yourself.
7. Eat on the run and dont take care of yourself yet expect to feel good and energetic.
8. Spend time with groups or in meetings that produce the opposite of your desired results.
9. Keep your work space messy and disorganized so you cant focus on whats really needed.
10. Make agreements to improve but never keep them or follow through to unconsciously fail.
11. Obsess on all the small things and ignore the big ones.
12. Put things off until the last minute believing that you work better under pressure, when in fact it just creates more chaos/drama.
13. Pick relationships not realistic for yourself so you don't get your needs met.
14. Watch the news right before bed even though you know it will stimulate your greatest fears.
15. Purposely do not have a Coach or Work Partner to keep you accountable when you know it would make all the difference in the world.
16. Do more for others than you do for yourself to make you feel worthy and win approval.
17. Keep track (and score) of petty incidents that others have done to you to keep your life in drama and out of authenticity.
18. Rarely ask yourself if you are spending your time wisely which keeps you stuck in a rut and going in circles.
19. Set unrealistic goals that prevent you from attaining a feeling of accomplishment but do make you feel justified in blaming outside sources.
20. Keep complaining and blaming others about things so you dont really have to look at your behavior and motives that cause counter-productive situations.

DENIAL IS NOT A DIRTY WORD

2009-10-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

Everyone's heard the word "denial" but how many really understand its meaning or value? Denial is meant to be a protective device. In many ways it is a clever and brilliant concept. It's a built-in, back up safety measure for the human psyche. Denial was universally designed to keep the mind and body safe during situations that we are not currently equipped to handle. It was meant to be a temporary state giving us the time to develop the abilities and strength to deal with the event in question. Hospice defines denial as something that buys us the time to discover and develop the inner strength, and external support, needed to face the facts, results and feelings assoicated with loss.
In our society when one mentions "loss" people seem to automatically associate that word with the "death of a person" but overlook or deny the same immense and intense feelings that go with any loss. Loss causes pain; pain people would rather avoid than deal with. Although people accept other's pain when it has to deal with losing a person it is every bit as important to acknowledge and accept pain associated with ANY loss rather than minimize, negate or invalidate it making it that much harder to deal with. Emotional safety is necessary and crucial to work through feelings of loss and when others around you judge or show disapproval it is a natural tendency to hide or avoid it thus prolonging the inevitable emotional processing, i.e. the grief process.

When we are in denial of something it is suppressing parts, sometimes large parts, of our authentic self. There are a lot of pieces to the puzzle called Self and the ones that exist in the bubble of denial are not integrated into the "active" self. Denial can be blocking fears that developed in the past, even in childhood; beliefs that we may be too scared to look at or don't know what to do with, or painful experiences and people we would rather forget, even if it would be in our best interest to confront them in order to live in the present. There may be people, places, events and more that we're not in touch with yet store deep within us and think they have no bearing on the present--but they do! So, the courageous step of confronting your own inner demons will release you from your internal prison and allow you to regain control of your life and reclaim your Authentic Self!